


Everything Old is New Again

by CircleUp



Series: Don't Call It A Team Up [2]
Category: Marvel, Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Bromance, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 08:46:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20654426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CircleUp/pseuds/CircleUp
Summary: Deadpool seeks Spider-man out to annoy him constantly.





	Everything Old is New Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CharlotteLydia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteLydia/gifts).

"Everything old is new again!" Deadpool announces in a voice that tells Peter his evening is about to take a sharp and downward turn. He sighs, straightens from his crouch at the edge of a building where he'd been looking over the city. He doesn't ask how Deadpool got up here.

"Deadpool," Peter grumbles. He considers swan diving off the building to get away, or maybe throwing the other man off instead. It's a little cruel but even Peter's only human. If he didn't indulge from time-to-time he'd go insane.

"You know," Deadpool says casually. He's come up beside Peter now and is looking down, directly down, his boots right on the edge. He's fearless, always. Immortals don't have anything to fear. "In some universes you're like, ten years old."

There's an expectant silence, and Peter knows he shouldn't engage. Deadpool takes everything as encouragement, even absolutely nothing. He can't stop himself sometimes though. "What are you babbling about?"

"Well not literally actually ten but, Tom's age."

"Tom." Peter feels a migraine coming on. He should have jumped off the building when he had a chance.

"Yeah. You know some people ship us, but he's like, actually young enough to be Ryan Reynold's son. Half your age plus seven, people! Know the rules! He's like, forty," Deadpool continues despite Peter now just walking away, no goodbye, to the opposite side of the roof. The mercenary jogs to catch up. "Ryan, obvs, not precious baby Tom. So, twenty seven at least, that's the youngest for it to not be hella creepy. Twenty seven!"

"I literally have no idea what you're talking about," Peter cuts in, feeling much more patient than usual, which isn't saying a lot. One is greater than zero by an infinite amount, technically speaking. "Like more so—less so, I guess—than usual."

"Are you a baby, Spidey? Tell me that at least."

Peter sighs. He checks his phone for the time, pulling it from a hidden compartment at his side. His abilities let him use the phone despite the gloves, which is nice. He's seen a lot of supes have to take them off to do anything. "Yes, Deadpool, I'm a baby."

"No chance!" The mercenary crows. "That ass is thicc, double C. You've deffo hit puberty, maybe double puberty."

"Deadpool."

"Triple puberty, maybe. Did you know I've been circumcised like fourteen times? It keeps growing back," Deadpool tells him, or maybe he tells the building because he's looking at an air conditioning unit when he says it, but either way it's knowledge that Peter now has forever. He can't unknow that.

"Okay," says Peter, the phone pocketed. "You know what, I'm going to do what I should have done in the first place. Bye."

He lifts an arm and a second later is leaping off and webbing away.

A week later he's answered a call to assemble that was intriguingly vague. Peter isn't on SHIELD's payroll or anything of the sort, but he still comes in when the call to assemble goes out. Unfortunately—

"Spidey!" an excited voice shrieks. The mercenary capers over to him, skipping. It's ridiculous.

Unfortunately, Deadpool has also been called in.

"You're here," Peter observes. He's feeling less charitable than last week.

Captain America is already there too, cowled and in a conversation with Hawkeye, and he looks over with curiosity.

"I thought you worked together," he comments.

Both of them answer at the same time, overlapping.

"No," Peter denies, while Wade happily announces, "We're enemies!" in a tone that suggests that's the best thing that has happened to him all year.

Captain America is understandably confused by this, and as one of the few people willing to engage with Deadpool long enough to get proper answers out of him, proceeds.

"I've seen you working together before," he prompts.

Deadpool reiterates, "No. We're deffo enemies."

"Oh," says the Captain. "Well—"

"With benefits," adds Deadpool.

Hawkeye sighs deeply, seeing where this is going. "Cap. Don't."

"What's that mean?" the Captain prompts without judgment, and Deadpool absolutely lights up behind his mask.

Peter promised himself he wouldn't take the bait this time, but he breaks that promise fast. "Oh my god no. We are not."

"Friends with benefits?" Deadpool asks, hopeful.

"...no. The enemy part wasn't the wrong part," Peter sighs.

Captain America sounds like he regrets having brought it up at all. "You can both go inside when you're ready. The brief will be in Conference Room C."

Deadpool claps his hands and links arms with Peter, who frees his arm only to have Deadpool do it again and again, the entire walk in.

No one else interferes. They're all glad Deadpool has an outlet that isn't them.


End file.
